Skip to content

Date archive for: February 2017

Challenges of a Disabled Mum: A to B and beyond

Posted in Accessibility, Cerebral Palsy, Customer Service, Disability and kids, Disability Awareness, Disabled Parent, Motherhood, Personal, and Public Transport

Last week’s blog talked about the challenges I’ve faced getting my little boy from A to B as a disabled mum.  With some creative thinking, we’ve managed to get out and about locally, visiting friends and family.  However, going any further has presented bigger challenges which aren’t so easily resolved.

Since the age of 13, I’ve been regularly going over to Ireland by myself to visit family and friends. I’ll never forget that first time, when Mum entrusted me into the care of the airport staff, with my uncle waiting to meet me in the Arrivals Hall of Dublin Airport. I felt so grown up, travelling all by myself! It’s something I began taking for granted, as airports are obliged to provide support for disabled travellers.

That was until Jack arrived.  As he grew bigger and Dean returned to contracting, I thought I’d be able to pop home for long weekends and half-term breaks, once Jack started at school. Unfortunately, this wasn’t to be as I discovered that the airlines didn’t allow disabled travellers to travel with minors.  Well, technically I could book the tickets and not declare that I need support until arrival at the airport but even for me, pushing boundaries as I do, I’d fear I’d be on very dodgy ground!

So the first time this came up, we decided Dean would fly over with us and then return home for work.  Two weeks later, darling hubby drove back over to Ireland to bring Jack and I home. On other occasions, we’ve managed to work things so that Jack and I travel over with Dean and then return with my parents or sister.  As you can imagine, this takes planning and I find myself having to fit into other people’s plans, rather than making my own.  It has obviously been more expensive and on occasions, I’ve had to miss family events because Dean is working and there’s nobody to travel with.

Whilst in some respects, I accept these limitations as a disabled mum, it is frustrating that it has kerbed my independence! I know that, God forbid, in the case of emergency, Jack and I would need assistance but on the other hand, I don’t think the airlines, like much of society, have considered that yes, disabled people do have children!!  What if I was a single parent wanting to take my child away on holiday? Would I have to wait until Jack was 11 to do what the majority of parents take for granted? 

Whilst it’s not a huge problem, it’s something I didn’t think of when I was considering all the challenges I would face as a disabled parent and once again, we’ve had to think in a different way to other parents. 

I wonder whether airlines and businesses as a whole, could consider ways that they can support people like me, thus raising awareness that disabled people are parents too?  Maybe offering a £20 chaperone service which would be cheaper and easier than the arrangements we currently have to make, would be a start!

Challenges of a Disabled Mum: A to B

Posted in Cerebral Palsy, Disability and kids, Disability Awareness, Disabled Parent, Family, Motherhood, and Personal

I knew when I fell pregnant with my son that motherhood would present more challenges to me than most and the thoughts about how I would cope gave me a few sleepless nights. I knew that I wouldn’t be the same as other mums, that I’d have to think creatively to overcome my disability in motherhood.

My hubby was amazingly supportive and even when I doubted myself, he refused to believe that there was anything I wouldn’t be able to do. His stance gave me so much confidence and from then on, we’ve focused on the solutions and ignored the problems.

Most parents have a pushchair at the top of their shopping list but that wasn’t even on our list. Two sets of wheels don’t work.  So to ensure I could get out and about with Jack, albeit never too far from home, we brought a baby harness which strapped to me and worked really well even though I was sat down.  It wasn’t perfect as I still needed help with all the clips but it at least allowed me to visit family and friends and take Jack for short walks. Jack loved riding on my lap and I called him my little joey!

 

Jack soon grew out of the harness and I had to look for other ways of getting us out and about safely. For a while, I strapped Jack on to my lap using the wheelchair seatbelt, which was long enough to go around us both.  Hubby also brought us some reins but we found that they were too short – if Jack stopped suddenly or fell over as he sometimes does, he’d be in danger of being caught by my wheels.  We had to give him more slack, so reluctantly, we replaced the strap on the reins with a much longer dog lead!  It meant that Jack could go further ahead of me and I’d have more time to stop if needed. I told you we had to think creatively!

More recently, as Jack is now at school nursery and approaching his fourth birthday, I started to feel that Jack had outgrown the reins.  Most mums, by now, would just be able to hold their child’s hand but there’s still a risk that Jack will run into the road and being in a wheelchair, it’s not that easy for me to react as quickly as other parents.

So we’ve now invested in a wrist strap, which finally allows me to “walk” holding Jack’s hand but gives me the security of knowing that he can’t run off! I can’t tell you the joy I’ve experienced, holding his hand in mine, just like any other parent and I think it’s probably something that we all take for granted.

Being a disabled mum isn’t easy – it took me about 20 minutes last night just to put a clean duvet cover on Jack’s bed! – but I wouldn’t change it for anything!

Writing is lonely but feedback helps!

Posted in Cerebral Palsy, Disability and kids, Disability Awareness, Disabled Parent, Does it wet the bed?, and Family

I love writing and always have. I remember being in the final year of primary school and winning a writing competition for a short story.

My last book, “Does it wet the bed?”, had been in my head for years before I finally began putting it on paper.  For those of you that might not have read it yet, the book tells my story of living with Cerebral Palsy and becoming a disabled mum. Though emotionally difficult at times, as I relived painful events, the book was relatively easy and a joy to write.  Though I wanted to get a message across and raise awareness of Cerebral Palsy, writing my life story was also therapy. It gave me fresh perspective and helped put to bed issues which had played on my mind for years.

My new book is a children’s book which I hope will help to educate kids about disability and encourage them to ask the questions that come to mind.  It’s very different to my first major writing project – a complete shift in mindset is needed. I’m not writing for myself anymore and am constantly trying to think like a child!  From the words I use, to the style and overall message, it all has to appeal to a world that I’m struggling to remember!!  There’s also other issues, such as the illustrations to think about so the process of producing this book is very different to the first. It’s been said that writing is a lonely job and it’s easy, I think, to lose confidence in yourself and your work.  But I’m so passionate about the fact that kids need to understand these issues in order to help shape their future attitudes. That’s what keeps me going when the doubts try to put me off.

However, reading to my little boy Jack, is helping in focusing my mind and generating ideas. Though I’m aiming my book at children slightly older than Jack, his school have kindly agreed to “test drive” the book and provide some valuable feedback.

I’d welcome hearing from other parents and children who would be happy to do the same! Please contact me if you’re willing!

I’m just Mummy, despite my disability

Posted in Cerebral Palsy, Disability and kids, Disability Awareness, Disabled Parent, Equality & Diversity, Family, Making a difference, Motherhood, My writing, and Personal

My little boy is now three and a half and he really is the apple of my eye. To Jack, I’ve always been just Mummy.  It doesn’t matter that my speech is a bit funny or that I walk differently to everyone else. My wheelchair is just part of me and Jack doesn’t care about any of it, all he cares about is Mummy’s cuddles!

He’s grown up with my disability and although he’s starting to realise my limitations, they thankfully don’t matter.  I’m his mum and that bond is as you’d expect, as strong as any other mother/son relationship.

I know there may come a day when Jack will ask questions about my disability and I’ve been giving a lot of thought as to how I might answer them.  With honesty and humour, that’s my plan. I want Jack to be able to ask any question he wants and know he’ll get a honest answer.  I don’t want a lack of knowledge to make him fearful of anything in life.

That’s what has inspired the book I’m currently working on. Too many children are not exposed to disability and then when they do come across it, they are unsure what to do. I’ve overheard so many conversations,  where a child is asking mum or dad why I’m in a wheelchair or why I speak like that. The parent’s embarrassment often leads to both a hushed and a rushed response and I think children need and deserve more if they are going to be equipped to manage situations in the future.

As well as raising disability issues within the context of a story, my book will also offer nuggets of advice for teachers and parents, who may understandably struggle to answer those awkward questions. I hope it will enable children and parents to initiate open, honest and fulfilling conversations which help to satisfy children’s curiosity and give them both much needed “disability confidence”.

Watch out for further information, title and release dates!